The most glorious thing I've ever seen

I would not call myself a devoutly religious man (and anyone reading this right now that knows me is probably laughing out loud at the computer). Regardless, I do believe I saw Heaven today. Was I at the top of a beautiful mountain looking down at the scenery and saw it reflecting in the snow? No. Did I see it in the clouds as we took our forty-fifth plane ride of the trip today? No. Was it in the eye of a child? I do not know, for I do not go around looking into baby's eyes. No my friends, Heaven is in none of these things, but it is here in Australia. It is here in Canberra at the Australian Institute of Sports. It is the cafeteria.
It would be an understatement to say that after a steady diet of cereal, ham and cheese sandwiches, toast, scrambled eggs, and a very subpar Subway restaurant (No mustard? I wasn't aware Australia had become a Communist country) we were a little tired of the monotony. Jared even got a little twinkle in his eye whenever Alex walked into the room and I can't be sure it wasn't because Jared thought he could eat him whole. Today we entered the gates of Heaven. They were big automatic sliding glass doors (the kind that make you feel like a Jedi whenever you walk through them) with AIS etched on the front.
The spread was amazing. Pastas and meats and fruits and cereals like we had not seen in ages. Jared gorged himself on a pasta with tomato sauce that included both oysters and small octopi. It was interesting to say the least. Alex enjoyed a Chinese spicy steak concoction. If you mixed the two it tasted just like gumbo. Tom dabbled in a bit of everything. I made myself a bit of ice cream. And they had sprinkles. Yes, sprinkles. Now I know you all are thinking the exact same thing: "Well, what kind of sprinkles? Rainbow or chocolate?" Both, my friend. Both. Now you're wondering which ones I put on my ice cream and again I say both. Oh yes. I was able to put both rainbow and chocolate sprinkles on the same bowl of ice cream. My parents once told me that were I to do that my bowl would explode and Santa Claus would die. I have proven half of that wrong, but if the other half was true then my apologies to many of you come December.
I wasn't sure if I would be able to pull off the sprinkles in my ice cream. After all, the last time I had done it I believe Tom Hanks was winning an Oscar for something. Luckily, it went off without a hitch. Turns out eating sprinkles is somewhat like riding a bike. You may go away from it for a while, but you never really forget and doing it too much may cause prostate problems in older men. (That last part may take some extra research)
Now that I have explained to all of you what and where Heaven is there should only be one question left: What time is Breakfast?